Look at me! Look at me!

I’m gonna start off by saying this probably isn’t going to be one of my inspirational posts.

I’m tired. I’m energetically drained. Everywhere I look there’s chaos. Now I know what the spiritual community is going to say, “Well, you attract and see what you feel inside.” Yes, I can agree with that to an extent, but I’ve done a lot of cleaning and clearing of past trauma in the last few years. So why am I feeling like this?

Look at me! Look at me! That’s all I see when I get online these days. Everyone wants attention. Go ahead and say I am a hypocrite. That’s fine. I use to want that attention too, but I was also making money from all the attention. I had a reason for wanting more and more followers. It seems like nowadays more and more people are giving themselves away for FREE or selling themselves way too short.

I stepped away from selling content online a couple of years ago. You would think not much would have changed in two years, but Boy! Oh Boy! has it changed. Cell phones have become a necessity and everyone is armed with a decent camera these days. Who needs chips implanted into our arms for tracking when your phone does all the tracking for you. Even your kids are being tracked because they too now have cell phones, but that’s a whole other Ted talk. lol

More and more people are going to the extreme just be seen and be popular. It seems like every other day there is some new dumbass challenge going on and everyone is jumping on the bandwagon to do it. Licking ice cream straight from the grocery store shelves? How disgusting.

Let me put my “judgy mcjudgepants” on here for a second. 

Every day I am inundated with memes and videos of people doing the dumbest shit ever!! You may see it as entertainment, but I see it as a cry for help. Do you know why it seems like everyone has lost their fucking minds? Because we now have access to peoples everyday personal lives, 24/7.

Look at me! I just got a new car.

Look at me! My kids are getting so big! (Posts everyday)

Look at me! I’m out living my best life on vacation.

Look at me! I hate Trump.

Look at me! MAGA wedding.

Look at me! I’m standing dangerously close to the edge of cliff just to take a photo.               Oops! Fell. We lost one 😉

Look at me! I just murdered someone and slit my own throat and need to get that last selfie in.

Look at me! Look at this delicious dinner I am having.

Look at me! I’m meditating and doing yoga.

Look at me! I’m not racist. I don’t see color.

Look at me! #BlackLivesMatter

Look at me! I am shedding light on a new diet breakthrough.

Look at me! I’m doing so good at _________________. You fill in the blank

We are all doing it. Every last one of us are guilty of posting things for attention, but at what cost to our society?

Introducing the collective consciousness, some of you already understand the concept, but for most I don’t think you do or you’d rethink what you are putting out there. Just like you have a conscious, so does your community and those around you.

Here’s an example: We all agree collectively that a piece of paper that is printed by the Federal Reserve is worth whatever amount they put on it. Thus the energy that goes into that piece of paper now has a value or we wouldn’t take it for services and goods.

Now, look at your Facebook page or Instagram. What do you see? You see what everyone else is thinking, or is portraying to think. Retouched images of the same person, lead you to believe they look like that in real life. Your perception changes according to how you are viewing them and then mirroring it back inside of you. Then collectively you are seeing the heavily LIKED photos so you aren’t the only one being brainwashed into believing what they are seeing and reading. The collective consciousness now believes that images and videos of popular opinion. Does that make everyone’s opinion correct because they have thousands or millions of LIKES? It’s kind of a mind fuck if you ask me but trying to understand how quantum physics works is a whole other topic that I am definitely not qualified to talk about. All I know is that the collective conscious affects us on a level that isn’t understood fully.

The collective can be manipulated and with the alarming number of people on the internet these days, it can be done fast. I see it every time I get on social media. Algorithms manipulating the collective conscious into seeing what it wants you to see. Do you know how algorithms work? I bet most of you said “no”. I don’t know 100% either, but I do know that when you are seeing the same ads and same type content over and over again, that you are trapped in one.

If you are interested in watching how this all began. I suggest watching “Century of Self’ on Youtube.

How do you get out? Is there a way out? Do you even care? I ask this last question because some people don’t care that they are being manipulated and don’t care that our government has files on everyone, Edward Snowden told us that years ago. Most people I ask say the same thing, “If the government wants me that bad they will find a way to get me” or “I’ve got nothing to hide”. Well, I don’t have anything to hide either but I sure as hell am not gonna make it easy.

Why am I bitching about all of this? Because it’s affecting me. I am online all day and I see it. I want to unplug but I have to be screaming LOOK AT ME!!!! so I can pay bills. This in turn has caused me to become depressed. I’ve been depressed for several months now due to a lot of different things; mainly my health, check my post Vulnerable for that update, and lack of support on my OnlyFans site, but also living where I live.

So I got a job waitressing. I started working last week and it’s been a lot of crazy hours. My body isn’t use to that kind of work so it’ll take a bit to adjust. I am blessed to have a new job and look forward to where that takes me.

I’m also taking a leap of faith. I started dating someone and we are talking about getting married and having kids. Well, he already has kids, but wants one from me. Which is an odd feeling because if you know me then you know I just don’t believe in marriage and I didn’t want to have kids of my own, but I crave support, love, companionship, family, and friends more than ever. I need to find my tribe.

At the end of the day aren’t we all social creatures?